Road to Salvation
My next spiritual jump takes me a few years into the future, as a 9 years old. I was walking down the street, near my elementary school, when I noticed a very large tent being erected. I was so curious, I walked right over and read a sign that said a man was going to help people get in touch with Jesus and God. There would also be a Holy Spirit there. What is a Holy Spirit? I had never seen a Holy Spirit or any spirit for that matter. Maybe this path would lead to answers for my young heart.
So, I decided to come back to discover for myself what this all meant. When I arrived the tent was packed and voices filled the huge space. I slipped inside and stood near the back by the door. My eyes adjusted and were drawn to the front of the tent where a preacher stood on a podium raising his hands and saying that his brand of religion was the way. He seemed very convincing and the voices around me shouted “Yes Lord” and other things.
All I needed to do was declare my faith and I would be resurrected, (whatever that was), so when they asked for folks to step forward, I did. I walked right up to the big podium, stood in-line with other sinners, and I bowed my head. The nice man waved his hands and declared that we were all saved and that we would be with God.
As I left the tent it hit me that this could perhaps cause trouble with my parents, after all, did this mean that I now had two Gods? Chills ran down my spine and I thought of my Mother. What would my Mother say when she found out that I had a new God? Would she ever find out? Would I be cast out of the family completely for being different? What had I done? I felt like I was in worse trouble now than I was at the beginning of the day, because now I had two Gods to answer to and I was overwhelmed.
I was just a kid, and I felt quite confused and alone. I took a shortcut home to avoid everyone and I crept into my room. When my Mother came to the door, I pretended to be sick, coughing, and lay my head on my pillow. Thankfully she felt sorry for me, and told my siblings to leave me alone to rest. I was given dinner in bed, but I feared that when she came back in the room that my lie would be discovered!
I stayed in my room for weeks after that, peeking out the windows from behind closed curtains, watching for someone to come to my home to speak with my parents. I just knew someone would come and tell them what I had done. Everyday I checked the mail, half expecting a big notice to arrive stating “Your daughter has a new God!” After a few weeks of hiding out, I decided to avoid church in the entirety for the time being. I needed to figure this whole God thing out quickly, but for now, I would stay home and hide. . . and become a spiritual seeker.
As I walked home that day, thinking about the sign and looking at the ground as I walked, I began to hear a very unique musical tune in my head, with the color blue whipping around like a flowing scarf, then it faded and was gone. The picture. The music. The color. This little snip of time would wander into my mind throughout my adolescence, always accompanied with a weird frequency that would flow through my body. I often had to stop and sit down until the sound, frequency and picture passed. As I grew up I could feel the frequency and know it was coming. I could prepare for it. But, what was it?